Ideopathies


From: Cynthia August

When the email showed up in her in-box from "Ideopath," it took a few moments to remember who that was. She remembered it as late night. Well, everything was late night now, but this was a late night like the late nights of her mortality: silent rooms, dim lights, glowing computer screen. Nowhere to go but cyberspace. Three, four nights ago?

Cynthia went into the room called #philosophy. For twenty minutes or so, she watched a few intellectuals and several more who thought they were, argue over the existence of God, Evil, and Reason. Finally she saw an opening she could not resist, and posted her own question, the one that had been chasing her thoughts unmercifully.

<Augusta> I have a question.
<Locke^> Don't say you have a question. Just state your question.
<sUpErMaN> Maybe it's a trick question. Are we supposed to guess what it is?
<Augusta> Is it justifiable to systematically victimize people in order to survive? If not, what do you do if that's your only means of survival? Commit suicide?
<Locke^> Self-defense is always a justification.
<eliza> Are the people you'd have to victimize innocent? or are they doing the same thing?
<Augusta> Eliza: could be either.
<eliza> lowercase, please. Well, I'd say it's not justifiable in an absolute sense, but if they're doing the same thing, it's not really worth killing yourself to save them, is it?
<sUpErMaN> eliza: right. But on the other hand, if you're doing the same thing as them, you arent any better than them for doing it back to them. Maybe letting yourself die would be the nobler option. Unless there's some other way that you're better than them.
<Augusta> Victimizing them doesn't necessarily mean killing them. Though it could, I guess. Or it could just be using them, physically or emotionally
<Ideopath> Augusta: may I pm?

She'd started a private conversation with Ideopath at that point. He'd been a lurker -- not talking in channel, just listening. He was eloquent in private, though.

<Ideopath> Completely hypothetical question, I take it?
<Augusta> Yes.
<Ideopath> I always admire people who can get so emotionally caught up in hypotheticals.
<Augusta> thanks, I think
<Ideopath> You're welcome. Anyway, I think you are essentially asking two questions in one.
<Augusta> I am? what are the two questions?
<Ideopath> One. How can I deal with the gap between what I am and what I want to be? Two. How do I justify my existence to myself? <Augusta> Not exactly.
<Ideopath> Trust me on this one.
<Augusta> How do you get that from what I asked?
<Ideopath> I used to have the same question. Not that I asked it on IRC.
<Augusta> Don't condescend to me.
<Ideopath> That's an interesting word, condescend. It means go down with. I don't know how I can help you if I don't go down there with you. <Augusta> Did I ask for your help?
<Ideopath> Yes. <Augusta> Fine... okay... So, let's take your two questions. What are the answers?
<Ideopath> I'll send you an email tomorrow with them.
<Augusta> ? you don't know my email address.
<Ideopath> Didn't I say to trust me on this one?

At that point Cynthia had disconnected, spooked. Damn hackers. Now here was the email. She hesitated, considering deleting it unread. But curiosity won over fear.
 

Dear Augusta,

As you see I have found your email address. Don't worry, I won't put it on the spam lists.

Here are the answers you asked for. You may need to think about them for a while. They're my own versions of what are popularly known as Koans. I call them Ideopathies, after myself, of course. How vain, don't you think?

Yours Truly, Ideopath

Ideopathy 1. The Ladder

The student asked the master, "I feel I have no proper place in the world. To survive, I must do that which I find abhorrent. Yet I wish to survive. How can this be right?"

The master replied, "Consider the ladder. It has many rungs. Are they useful?"

"Yes," said the student, "of course the rungs are useful. They are what one stands on as one climbs the ladder, and the whole point of a ladder is to allow a person to climb higher than they could without it."

"How does a person stand on a ladder?"

"The person puts a foot on the bottom rung and then the next foot on the next rung above, and so forth to the top."

"All the way to the top? Can the person stand on the top rung of the ladder?"

"No," said the student.

"Yet the top rung is still useful," said the master. "Where are the hands while the feet are on the ladder?"

"The hands are two rungs above the feet, holding on for balance," said the student.

"When the hand reaches the top rung, can the feet continue to climb?"

"No," said the student.

"So the person climbing holds onto the top rung, that is its use. And the rung two below that holds the feet, that is its use. But what is the use of the rung that is between them? What is the usefulness of the rung second from the top of the ladder?" the master asked.

And the student was enlightened.

Ideopathy 2. The boy who could be anything

Once there was a boy with dreams. He wanted to be an astronaut, he wanted to be a movie star, he wanted to be a mountain climber. He wanted to be anything but who he was.

He found a fairy, and she waved her wand at him, and gave him the power to become anything he wanted.

"What will you become?" asked the fairy.

The boy thought. He wanted so many things, what would he choose? Astronaut? Movie star? Mountain climber?

The fairy waited.

"It is better than an astronaut, better than a movie star, better than a mountain climber, to be what I am, a boy who has the power to become anything he wants. That is something no astronaut, no movie star, no mountain climber has. I will not change," the boy told the fairy.

The fairy flew away.


Cynthia read it over several times, nearly deleted it in frustration, finally putting it away in a folder so it would not stare at her out of her in box every time she checked her email. The little fables were so obvious, yet she could not figure out how they could be applied to herself at all. Damn "Ideopath." How the hell had he got her email address?